Being a Father: What it means

For most of my life I have struggled with the question of what it means to be a man.  This, obviously, will impact my ability to be an effective father.  But this definition goes well beyond physical parts that distinguish me from the fairer sex.  I'm talking about the intrinsic values that define manhood.

Not having a strong father figure as a child, I had to look outside my own home for meaning.  And for many years I was unsuccessful at finding appropriate role models.  As a high school student, no father figures or appropriate role models appeared.  Simply put, I was only spending my time around similar aged boys who couldn't have told me what it means to be a man if their life depended upon it.

In college, I likewise found no appropriate models.  The young men I encountered either treated women as objects (a skill I, unfortunately, developed quite well) or were similar to me in their hollow ideas of manhoood and simply avoided the concept deeming it unworthy and unimportant.

But it is important.  For men, it is crucial for lasting happiness and a well balanced life.  For fathers, it is absolutely critical, because the sons and daughters whom a father guides into adulthood will carry the lasting effects of their fathers for a lifetime.  When you are a bachelor, I suppose you can be selfish in your definition of manhood.  I would disagree, but I won't argue that point.  However, when you are a father, being selfish in your definition is reckless and borderline child endangerment.

First, let me state what a man/father is not.  A man is not selfish.  He does not put his needs before his family.  A man isn't the stereotype macho dude who doesn't read or enjoy a good "chick flick" every now and again.  A man does not force his way in any situation:  interrupting conversation, pushing his opinion, etc.  Before I ramble on too far about this, I will cut to the chase.

A man is kind.  He takes care of his family be it his parents, sibling, wife, or children.  A man may enjoy working with his hands (as I do), but his hands are gentle when dealing with those around him.  A man is chivalrous.  I believe he should enjoy carrying heavy objects so that women around don't have to.  This isn't to say that women are weak.  I grew up around 4 strong women.  Trust me, they are not weak.  But opening a door for a woman or carrying a heavy physical burden for her relief is kind.  Generally, men are physically stronger than women, so this kind of action seems very natural.  A man respects women.  Not only does he not treat them as physical play toys, but he also respects their opinions and ideas.  A father may be stern when disciplining his children, but he should be more interested in guidance and correction than in punishment.  A man is inquisitive and enjoys learning.  Men certainly shouldn't be too prideful when that learning comes from a source other than his own investigation. 

Of course, these are my opinions.  But I have come to these conclusions after years of trial and error.  Women, too, can be described in many of the above manners.  But that is because we are all human;  children of God.  While strengths and weaknesses may differ, one is not above the other.  And similarities are abundant.

I do believe that the classical male has difficulty communicating, especially in the arena of feelings and emotions.  But this is a glaring weakness when true.  Every man, in my humble opinion, should be diligent in working to overcome this seemingly natural phenomena.

These opinions I hold near and dear.  As a father, I pray that I can model and teach to my children how a man should act.  I want my son to grow up knowing how to treat women and children.  And I pray that he steers clear of the stereotype, overly masculine male figure which ultimately brings and unfulfilled promise.  For my daughter, I hope that she learns what to look for in a good man.  Humble, noble pursuits, generosity, and tenderness wrapped up in a playful rough and tumble male.  It is a frightening prospect being a father.  Knowing that I will fail, knowing that I will not live up to the standards expressed above completely, makes me lean a little heavier in my Father in Heaven.  When I read about Jesus in the Bible, I am reading about what it means to be a good man.  And He is the role model whom I hope to ultimately emulate.