Silent Boys

My son is in the 6th grade and just about to turn 12.  He is bright, energetic, and a wonderful communicator.  But of late, he has started to close up about some of his feelings.  I can feel it.  Something wicked this way comes:  the teen years.

I remember my middle school years.  They were, without doubt, the most awkward and horrifying years of my life.  And at the center of it all was one thing:  girls.  And here is my pre-teen, middle school boy whom I'm afraid is experiencing some of the same mixed up feelings.  Oh man, girls can mix up a boys head faster than the fastest roller coaster.

My boy's got this young girl whom he texts on his cell phone night and day.  I've tried to ask him about this girl.  He'll have none of it.  All I've managed to get out of him is that she is, indeed, a girl (a homophobic relief washed over me, I have to admit) and her first name.  He isn't allowed to have his phone in his room with him at bedtime.  So every time I take it from him at night, he quickly erases every text on his phone before relinquishing it.  I respect his privacy, and I certainly know that nothing inappropriate is being communicated (I have both secretly and forcibly checked, not allowing him to erase any message).  But he won't tell me (or his mother) a damn thing.

His choice to take the 5th on this issue has been bothering me for some time.  So, I've decided to write about it.  My motivation is two-fold:  to vent, and to make an attempt at puzzling this out to some resolution.  I enjoy the former and am pessimistic about the latter.

After all, what am I to do?  How can I get that sweet boy to open up about his feelings towards a girl?  And should I even worry about it?  I am confident that my son feels comfortable coming to me or his mother with problems.  But I honestly don't think he knows what in the world to do with these new and strange feelings.  Frankly, I didn't know at that age and I likely still don't.  I married the same girl whom I was dating by the 10th grade.  So it isn't like I've had multiple opportunities to practice dealing with this personally.

I guess, for now, I'll just keep gently reminding him that I am here for him if he ever wants to talk.  But that just doesn't seem like enough.  I need more.  But maybe that's the problem.  I need more, but maybe he doesn't.  Crap, now I'm confused!  Who am I actually helping by getting him to open up?  Hopefully, both me and him.  But I don't know.

So I'm resolved to keep trying.  I'll do a bit of research on the internet and run by the bookstore or library for assistance.  Surely there are plenty of publications dealing with this issue of pre-teen boys giving their parents the silent treatment in regards to girls.  But mostly I'm scared stiff looking ahead at the next several years.  It can't get any better.  All I see in front of me is a road diving quickly into the inky blackness of an emotional abyss.  I just pray that my son will let me ride in the same car as he, and maybe we can share a few thoughts about those mysterious creatures:  girls.  Damn, they are fine.  But, damn, they are agents of confusion and sorrow!

I guess I missed on my original goal of this writing.  I can't see that I've figured anything out.  Still, the written venting is good.  I'll just keep thinking.  It's about the only thing I'm decent at, anyway.